Four players drugged by rival opponents

I've heard of fans sabotaging their own stadiums, or attacking team buses before and after the match. But this recent development trumps them all by a long shot. Sport Áncash faced off against Acosvinchos in the Peruvian Second Division in a crucial promotion match, and the visitors made sure their local rivals didn't gain an advantage to reach the top tier of Peruvian football. It appears that the kit-men dropped sleeping pills into a number of water bottles, causing four Acosvinchos players to collapse unconscious during the match. Sport Áncash went on to win 3-0 and secure promotion.

Upon further testing at the hospital, doctors confirmed the presence of a drug causing a neurological condition that decreases a person's level of consciousness (aka sleeping pills). Acosvinchos directors are demanding an investigation and the match forfeited in their favor.

Sport Áncash president Pepe Mallqui responded with his own interpretation that a big meal before the match caused the players to collapse:

"They ate barbecued chicken with spices and ended up taking indigestion tablets afterwards. I'm sure these four men fainted because of that and the physical effort they put in."

Just like Alberto Contador tested positive for performance enhancing drugs because of bad meat?

Give me a break. Blaming spicy chicken, a players' digestive track, and lack of fitness as a triumvirate triple conspiracy is one of the worst excuses I've ever heard. They should replay the match, but have both teams stuff their faces with a BBQ chicken buffet beforehand. You know, level the playing field a bit.