Fat Ronaldo returns with a BANG

Fat Ronaldo, sidelined with an injury and incessant trips to McDonalds, held a press conference yesterday to announce his intentions of returning to the field for Corinthians this weekend.

At the conclusion of his remarks, Ronaldo lit a smoke bomb on stage with a little shit-smirk on his face. He later explained, "It was given to me by a comedian. I play poorly, and then disappear into the mist."

Well that sure is promising for Corinthians fans. The guy is already making his own jokes about how bad he'll be when he returns to the field! Unfortunately for Ronaldo, he may need a little bit more than smoke to make his plump frame disappear. Something more along the lines of fruits and vegetables might do...

Fat Ronaldo's Career May Be Over

(marca.com)

That picture says it all. He looks like the little fat kid in any movie who's forced to run a short distance and then pleads for death more than anything. Ronaldo commented the other day, "I'm getting very old, and my body is urging me to stop." I think what his body is really telling him to stop is the drinking, eating, partying, eating, eating, and hooking up with trannies. Very old? He's only 33!!

To be fair, you can't really blame the guy if he chose to call it quits in the near future. He is THE Ronaldo. Ronaldinho, which means "little Ronaldo" and whose real name is Ronaldo de Assis Moreira, was forced into that nickname without a choice. You couldn't just waltz around with the king's name. He scored 242 times in 333 appearances during his club career. Not to mention another whopping 62 goals in 97 appearances for his country. 15 goal in the World Cup remains an all-time record. He's won every tournament and individual honor imaginable.

We still have until December to watch him play, but all signs are pointing to that being the very end. Here's a quick compilation of his masterful career.